I have good news for you. Never in my life have I heard better news. The more a person is forgiven, the more he loves and feels loved. Jesus has a sure plan of salvation from the greatest misery—for everyone!
Fear invaded my happy life. My heart became filled with bitterness and indescribable sadness. It began when I told a lie in confession. I soon realized I had lost a precious treasure. Gone was my sense of freedom, peace, and security! No question of knowing joy anymore! I lost interest in the world around me. My thoughts ran on one thing only: how to return to God. But this seemed impossible to me. Shame closed my heart and lips. Even to myself I was ashamed to admit I had made a mistake. I fell into convoluted thinking, made feeble attempts at a good confession, but to no avail; and I came away feeling worse than ever. I saw myself as a hopeless case. I missed Jesus in the Eucharist. I believed I couldn’t be saved. I envied people who enjoyed God’s grace. I couldn’t forgive them for the distress they caused me. I hid my rancor in my heart. In time I began to feel an aversion for people in general. I shunned them on the street. I couldn’t stand the thought of someone “kicking me in the teeth” again. All my dreams and aspirations, all my plans of using my talents and doing good in the world, lay in ashes. I couldn’t stand the thought of others being in heaven. I felt like screaming to God that I had had enough of people. I wanted to have Him and heaven all to myself. And yet, with my soul in such a state, I knew there was no place for me in heaven.
I considered God as my own personal Lord. In my way I loved Him, but I did not realize that it was my way only. Still, I did not give up seeking Him. My longing for His presence gave me no peace. I had known God’s commandments since early childhood, yet I kept asking, “What is the point of them?” And all the while I knew God desired the happiness of all His creatures. In my shame I wondered how I would manage. Where was there sense in this world? I felt myself enmeshed in a snare. No escape!
In His mercy God sent me consolations. I remember it simply dawning on me one day that God took infinite joy in forgiving people their sins. I understood that Jesus in His mercy forgave sins personally and took great delight when the sinner returned to Him. It was Satan who tried to prevent sinners from turning (or returning) to the sacrament of penance, It was he who prompted us to delay, to dismiss the sacrament as a thing of little importance, to doubt the reality of forgiveness, to consider it pointless, and to scoff at God’s love—all this in case we should come to experience the miracle of God’s Mercy.
That is why the “father of lies” prompts people with feelings of shame at the moment of confession (but not when committing the sin). He tempts them with desires to be “with the times”—free from “medieval ignorance” and other “delusions.” Desires for selfishness (“you’re worth it”), for “personal freedom” (to heck with Christian values!), for rebellion against God (killing unborn babies and corrupting children and young people in the name of “doing your own thing”).
Meanwhile Jesus was the Way, the Truth, and the Life!
God had to wait patiently for me. He continued to admonish and strengthen me by degrees until one day he brought me back to the sacrament of penance. I encountered the Divine Mercy—my only hope. No one made fun of me. No one put me down. The words of absolution touched my soul in a marvelous way. Once again I could simply live—in freedom, peace, and delight in the presence of God. How greatly loved, how strong one felt in the arms of Christ! No longer did one have to bear the burdens of life alone. It was a miracle!
Many times after that, Satan tried to destroy my joy, to undermine my trust in Jesus. But thanks to an admonition I received in the confessional (“No one comes to the Father but through me”) I know now that the sins we confess before the person of the priest are in fact confessed before Jesus. The Divine Mercy has no bounds!
So I have good news for you. Never in my life have I heard better news. The more a person is forgiven, the more he loves and feels loved. Jesus has a sure plan of salvation from the greatest misery—for everyone! Nothing counts besides this! Give glory to God, for He is good! His mercy endures forever!
A reader