I felt as if I were two persons: one striving for God, wishing to be close of Him, and the other striving for easy, sinful attachments
I have been serving on the altar for eight years, but I fell into the mire of masturbation when I was twelve. I thought it was a harmless pursuit. I had no idea I was committing a sin. I even encouraged my friends to do it, telling them it was a good thing.
Gradually the habit became an addiction, especially after I started watching pornography. Satan caught me in his snare. Finally, I went to confession and confessed the sin of impurity for the first time. The Merciful Jesus stretched His hand toward me.
After that, I felt as if I were two persons: one striving for God, wishing to be close of Him, and the other striving for easy, sinful attachments.
A struggle followed. I’d manage to stay pure for a week or a month, and then fall into sin again. Although I was physically close to God on the altar, spiritually I was straying further and further away from Him. I sank deeper into the mire of my making. My prayer life was very superficial then. Among my friends, I passed for a pious person. I felt terrible about it. I was scourging Jesus, since I was receiving Him in a state of serious sin. It seemed to me I was heading straight for hell.
But God gave me hope. I began praying the rosary. I knew Mary was standing by me, strengthening me. I knew she loved me! Now I can’t imagine living without her. I found a confessor who became my spiritual director and friend.
The turning point was a general confession. I began living a new life. Though I fell into sin a few times after that, I was determined not to give up. I knew I was weak and had to be prepared for a constant struggle. I’ve now joined the Movement of Pure Hearts because I want to stay pure. I want to swim against the stream!
Now I want to tell everybody not to fall into this mire. And if you find yourself in it, trust in Jesus, and He will pull you out. Entrust yourself to Mary! She will never disappoint you!
I promise to pray for those who struggle with impurity. Please pray for me as well. I want to be holy. I want to walk through life with Jesus, Our Blessed Mother, and all the saints so as to arrive at last at the House of the Father!
A sixteen-year old gifted with a new life