I came to realize that divorce really did not change our situation. My wife remains my wife; and as her husband I am responsible for her salvation.
Excerpts from letters to the editor
Matthew:
“Three years ago my wife left me for another guy and took our daughter with her. I admit I bear part of the responsibility for what happened. But what do you do in this situation? Get drunk? Hang yourself? Find another woman? I discovered there’s another way. Thanks to Love One Another Magazine and the articles on the Movement of Faithful Hearts, I came to realize that divorce really did not change our situation. My wife remains my wife; and as her husband I am responsible for her salvation. Fidelity, which is what I pledged my wife, is the only way. So now I try to remain in a state of sanctifying grace, pray regularly, and attend Holy Mass every occasion I get.
When I manage to spend a little time with my daughter Michalina, we pray together for the restoration of our family. Michalina loves her mother dearly and does not want mommy to forfeit eternal happiness in heaven. Her greatest wish is that her parents get back together. I am convinced this is the only sensible way and I urge all those who find themselves in the same critical situation to seek God’s help.”
Halina:
“Thank you very much for the MFH retreat. It was another confirmation to me that it is only with Jesus, the Son of the Highest God, that I can go on living. Whether my husband is with me now is not the most important thing. What is most important is that he repent and understand that our Loving God forgives all sins. That is the only thing I should really want.
“Life in communion with Jesus gives me true joy. It is enough that Jesus loves me. No longer do I need to be loved by all. The MFW meetings and retreats help me to sort out what is most important in life—my values, and then to persevere in them. Daily prayer for spouses in crisis, which is one of the requirements of belonging to the Movement, helps me to live in union with God and persevere in fidelity to my estranged husband.”
Luke:
“I drifted away from the Faith and religious practice quite a long time ago. It always seemed to me that everything depended on people and their actions. You could achieve anything you wanted on your own. You owed everything to yourself and the people you associated yourself with. Suddenly it turns out I have spent over a dozen years laboring under a great deception. I discovered recently that my wife has been cheating on me. She has since left me.
“For the last four months I have been groping in the dark. My sense of powerlessness and my wife’s lack of acceptance torment me terribly. I know it would be easier to forget about her altogether and start thinking about making a new life for myself. I hope I won’t do this, because the family is precious to me. I haven’t joined the MFH because I do not believe I am quite ready yet.
“But from the MFH retreats I have attended, I sense there is no other way of saving my family. I’ve talked to dozens of people who claim to be believers. They all tell me that being faithful to the sacrament in my situation makes no sense. The marriage is doomed. To try and hold on to it will be a torment to both sides as well as the children. Deep down I cannot agree with this argument, but the desire to relieve my suffering makes it seem rather appealing.
“At the retreats I am discovering the pro argument. I have met people for whom, like me, marriage is very important and worth fighting to the death for. Meeting these people who have been waiting for years for their spouse to return to them (all the while working on themselves for the good of their family) has been an extraordinary experience. It gives me hope and faith. Perhaps the struggle is worth the effort. I compare notes with the other participants and find understanding and compassion for my situation. I see how similar our life histories are. It’s amazing how alike the patterns of behavior are in the case of betrayal and separation. Might there not be a corresponding singleness in the way of rebuilding the sacramental union? I find this rather encouraging.
“The retreats are showing me another way—the way of authentic love and happiness, which is the way of Jesus Christ and His teaching. Until recently I saw no way out for me but in divorce and forgetting what had been. Now I am beginning to feel a measure of peace. My trust in Jesus is growing, I feel that no matter what happens, it will be for the good, since ‘we know that in everything God works for good with those who love him’ (Rom. 8:28).”