There is no greater joy in life than that of bringing another child into the family. No consumer item, no professional career gives as much joy as the smile of a child gazing into the eyes of its mother. In deciding to have a large family, the married couple makes the best of possible choices.
Psychologists have often observed that a single-child family is an incomplete family, for it lacks the fundamental interpersonal relationships—the relations between siblings. A child without a brother or sister has limited possibilities for normal development. Social problems begin to occur even before school age and often persist for a lifetime. I cannot resist mentioning here Frances Hodgson Burnett’s famous novel, The Secret Garden, which vividly traces the changes that occur in the character of an only child upon her befriending the children of a larger family. What she had to learn with great difficulty, had come to that family quite naturally.
Many parents stop at having one child believing that in this way they can assure their offspring a good start in life. But they fail to consider that every start is followed by the “prose of life” with its ups and downs, successes, and crises. An adult gifted with siblings always has somone to turn to, be it in hard or joyful times. An only child is left to the mercy of fate, and, when its parents depart this world, it remains solitary. And even before the parents depart this world, it must care for them. Even when the only child admits its parents to an old folks’ home, it must earn enough material goods to support both itself and its dependent parents. Parents who have only one child bring about a situation in which the child must alone shoulder the responsibility of supporting its two parents, and not infrequently four grandparents. Nor can we forget that the elderly obtain the greatest joy from their grandchildren with whom they are linked by a special bond. By limiting the number of their children, parents deprive themselves of both a source of support in their old age and the joy of future grandchildren.
Today in Poland we feel the dearth of those adults who were not born 20-30 years ago. And since these produced no offspring, in 20-30 year’s time there will be a dearth of those whom these “missing ones” could not bear, as well as of those whom we will not allow to be brought into the world today. Childlessness is, so to say, “hereditary”—it is leading to the depopulation of our country and all of Europe. By 2035, there will be some 2 million less of us than there are now, and the percentage of retirees and pensioners will be considerably higher. The woman who thinks today that she cannot afford to have children, since she must work for her pension, is making a fatal mistake: in a few decades’ time there will be no one around to pay for any kind of pension for her.
No one is saying that having a large family is easy. There are many other problems besides material ones; but ought this frighten us off? Every one of us has problems at work, and yet we all strive to work somewhere. The family naturally creates the conditions that enable it not only to resolve its problems but also to learn from each other—children and parents reciprocally. Children teach parents patience, perseverance, love, and meekness.
Let us not fool ourselves. The politics of our country is not pro-family. Nor does the legislation of the European Union consider the family a subject of social policy. And since the intervention of the law, bureaucracy, and various state regulations in the EU is constantly on the rise, it may well soon be that the family will cease to exist in the minds of our public officials. We see this tendency very clearly, for example, in our human capital priorities, according to which huge sums of money are allocated for education, for the training and re-qualification of workers, for professional activation, while not a penny is allocated for the development of the family. At least now we have no one to rely on, and if we do not see to it ourselves that our families are strengthened, then within a few years we will cease to exist as a nation. Surely there is no need to remind anyone that we survived the Partitions thanks only to the family and the Church; and the rebirth of Poland after WWII was possible only thanks to our large families. (The average number of childen in Poland then was nine for one woman; today we have barely 1.4 for each woman).
God desires to bless us. God give us what is best. Not for nothing did the Psalmist write: “Lo, sons are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the sons of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate” (Ps 127: 3-5). Only children can assure a future both for their parents and for the whole country. We cannot afford to have one child per family; we need to have large families. If parents are able to have children, but refuse to have them, they will bear responsibility for imminent demographic catastrophe of their country.What’s more, they will bear responsibility before God, who desires to bestow children upon them, and they refuse to accept this gift. We may not “stiffen our necks” before God, much less engage in open rebellion against our fertility, which is what the use of contraceptives is. Despite the widespread propaganda in favor of contraceptives, in God’s eyes the contraceptive mindset is a grave sin: “Do not be deceived; God is not mocked, for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap” (Gal 6: 7-8). Let us therefore be advocates of life, so that, by calling our children to life, we may be attain eternal life as faithful children of God.
I will not broach the subject of the in vitro program and its moral inadmissibility in view of its killing of human beings. (The preceding issues of LOA Magazine have dealt with this thoroughly.) I only wish to observe that state support of the much cheaper and effective method of naprotechnology would free up funds that could be used for the relief of large families, which rear 15% of all children in Poland. But, as we can see, our authorities have priorities other than the good of the country and her citizens.
Mirosław Rucki
The above article used materials presented at the “Family as the Subject of Social Policy” Conference held on October 19, 2010 in Poznań, Poland.
Jesus invites all couples wishing to deepen their understanding of married life to join the Movement of Pure Hearts for Married Couples (MPHMC) and to participate in its daily program of living by the grace of the sacrament of marriage. To do this, discuss the matter among yourselves and renounce all use of artificial contraception and other worldly notions aimed at destroying marital unity. Reject sin, make a sacramental confession and, after receiving Jesus in Holy Communion, say the Prayer of Consecration together:
Lord Jesus, we consecrate our marriage to you: our minds, our memories, our bodies, and souls. Teach us to love each other and our children with the love that flows from Your Merciful Heart. Lord Jesus Christ, grant us a pure heart modeled upon yours, that together we may perfect a love that is wise, generous, faithful, and free from self-interest, a love that steadfastly upholds your laws and commandments. May daily family prayer, the rosary, the chaplet of divine mercy, Holy Mass, and frequent reception of the Eucharist assist us in this endeavor. May we confess at once every serious sin through the Sacrament of Penance. Grant that we may continually draw on the graces, which you make available to us through the Sacrament of Marriage.
Lord Jesus, be master of our hearts. Teach us to control our sexual desires and feelings that our love for each other and our children may not be subject to our moods and emotional states. Rather, may our love be a continual expression of our care and solicitude for each other. Grant us the gift of pure conjugal love that we may give of ourselves generously. Cleanse our love of all selfishness that we may always forgive and pray for each other without nursing grudges. To remain pure in heart, we vow never to read, buy, or look at pornographic materials. We promise never to use contraceptives and always to be ready to accept every child that God may send us. Lord, help us to avoid everything that ensnares, enslaves, or incites to evil.
Mary, our Mother, guide us in our journey of faith. Lead us to the very Source of Love—to Jesus, that we may trust and believe in Him alone. After the example of Blessed John Paul II, we entrust ourselves to you: Totus Tuus, Mary! To your Immaculate Heart we confide ourselves totally, all that we are, every step we take, and every minute of our lives. Amen.
Please send us your address, dates of birth, the date of your marriage, and the date you decided to join our community. We in turn will inscribe your names in The Book of Pure Hearts and send you our special blessing. Christ’s blessings to you all.
Fr. M. Piotrowski SChr & the LOA staff
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