I prayed hard for my husband. I did not expect that the better part of these graces and promises would fall upon me. After all, I was OK. He was the one in need of healing
I am married, thirty-six years old, and have three children (aged 14, 15, and 16). We are blessed with a house of our own, a beautiful garden, and a car. What more to make one happy! But there came a moment of crisis in my life, and I never saw it coming.
The Enemy crept into our lives without warning. I suddenly became aware that my husband was coming home every evening from work under the influence of alcohol. He also took to drinking during the day—for no apparent reason. A red warning light—I’m convinced this was a grace from God—came on in my mind, especially since none my pleas, reproaches, or threats were having any effect. I was quick to react. I asked my husband to accompany me to a spiritual retreat, without telling him the reason why or for whose benefit.
And there came about a great turnabout—but in my life! When I look back on the events that followed, I can honestly say it was a time that God ordained and planned for my own good. Throughout the three days of the retreat I prayed fervently for my husband. I prayed he would be healed and come to his senses. Yet all the while I thought how good and wise a wife I was. I was full of wonder at my astuteness and ingenuity. I asked God to take my husband in hand and, even as I did so, I was thinking about having a great time with my friends at an Easter party that was coming up.
On the third day of the retreat we heard how we had been given a special moment. The day happened to be Divine Mercy Sunday. In her Diary, St. Sister Faustina wrote of this day as follows: “On that day the very depths of My tender mercy are open. I pour out a whole ocean of graces upon those souls who approach the Fount of My Mercy. The soul that goes to Confession and receives Holy Communion shall obtain complete forgiveness of sins and punishment. On that day all the divine floodgates through which graces flow are opened. Let no soul fear to approach Me, even though its sins be as scarlet. My mercy is so great that no mind, be it of man or of angel, will be able to fathom it throughout all eternity” (Diary, 699).
So I stayed behind in the “chapel of miracles” and prayed hard for my husband. I had absolutely no inkling that the better part of these graces and promises would fall upon me. After all, I was OK. He was the one in need of healing. I, on the other hand, “went” to church. With my children I attended rosary and Lenten services, made the Stations of the Cross, and took part in Maytime processions. Our son served on the altar. Our daughters sang in the school choir. See, Jesus, what a super Catholic I am!
But Jesus clearly thought otherwise. When, at the close of the retreat, the priest asked us about the fruits we were carrying away, the voice of the Holy Spirit prompted me with increasing clarity and insistence: “Begin with yourself! You see the mote in your brother’s eye. Remove first the beam in your own eye!”
I entered into a fierce struggle with myself. I thought there must be some mistake, even though these words rang so true. I felt had nothing to hold myself accountable for. But in time, and with the Lord leading me, I would come to realize that this was a great lie and deception. After an intense struggle I signed up for the Temperance Crusade. For my husband’s sake I agreed to abstain totally from alcohol for a year. (There had been much talk on this subject during the retreat.) Considering the kind of life I was fond of (I was often called the “life of the party”) this was no mean undertaking for me. It meant my name being automatically struck from my friends’ list of party guests.
On returning home, I felt I was no longer the same person. That Divine Mercy Sunday worked a miracle in my life: my heart began to live anew. As always, Jesus proved true to His word. He removed my “heart of stone” and gave me a “heart of flesh.” He “opened my eyes and ears.” I felt an incredible sense of peace, lightness of heart, and joy.
The most wonderful thing about it all was that upon my returning home everything began to change dramatically; there was nothing forced about it. The Merciful Jesus bestowed upon me the great gift and enormous potential of His grace, which awoke in me all those new and hitherto unknown desires. I began to “seek God” with a great passion. I read many books, since I came to realize that for a “super Catholic” I knew almost nothing about my faith—about God and what the Eucharist was all about. I also bought a copy of the Bible (until then we hadn’t had one in the house) and I began zealously to read, meditate on, and deepen my knowledge of Holy Scripture. I immersed myself in the Truth and couldn’t wonder enough at God’s loving-kindness and boundless mercy toward me. I came to see the great dishonesty and spiritual poverty I had lived in until then.
Today there is no more simply “going” to church; instead, with joy I run to meet my living Lord who died for me. In the Eucharist I draw on His strength to deal with my daily hardships and struggles with my faults and weaknesses. Now I know that I am purified by His blood and that He enables me to accomplish the good that I must do.
No need to mention the reaction of my close relatives and friends to my “miraculous change.” Most of them thought I was crazy. That didn’t surprise me at all, since from a gregarious person who loved company, parties, and loud music I had suddenly become one who talked only about God and what He had accomplished for me. Small wonder, then, that our house, once so full of noise, suddenly grew strangely empty and silent—a place where all those idle pursuits (TV soaps, loud music, vain talk, gossip) were replaced by silence, prayer, reading, and the study of Scripture. For me this was a most beautiful and blessed time.
As if this were not enough, the Merciful Jesus also freed me from my addiction to cigarettes and the use of vulgar language (“Can blessing and cursing come from the same mouth? (…) Does a spring pour forth from the same opening fresh water and brackish?”) I also decided to abstain from alcohol for the rest of my life. This has borne tremendous fruit among my family and friends. Several of them have also offered up their abstinence for those who are unable to break out of their alcoholism.
Now I try to tell everybody about God’s boundless mercy—especially those experiencing problems, undergoing various crises, illnesses, etc. Jesus helps them all in His wonderful way. We have seen real miracles in our family (recoveries from cancer, miraculous healings after serious attempts at suicide, transformed lives). October of 2010 marked a full year since my husband stopped drinking. He has now joined the Temperance Crusade. In a month I will give birth to our fourth child. Isn’t this enough?
Today I am able to thank God for everything I have gone through—and there were times when our house knew nothing but rows, screams, curses, and physical abuse. Today I can say that it was thanks to my husband and his problems that I turned to God for help. I did not do seek it in the way of “this world,” which proposes quick and easy solutions of the “get-a-divorce-and-all’s-solved” type. Nor was I disappointed.. The struggle was hard, but it was worth it, especially since it was my Master and Teacher—the Merciful Jesus—who led me.
For two and a half years our whole family has been kneeling down at three o’clock every afternoon to pray the chaplet of Divine Mercy. We pray for God’s mercy upon ourselves, our loved ones, and the whole world. Each morning I wake up saying the words, “Jesus, I trust in You.” Every day delights me now. I see the beauty of the natural world around me, and I know it is all a gift to us. The Merciful Jesus has “created me anew.” He brought me to a new life, breathing into my heart the Holy Spirit who leads me and helps me to live in the truth and light of God’s word; and this word I earnestly wish to take to heart and apply every day in my relations with my loved ones, at work, with my neighbors, my husband, and my children. It is not an easy road, for I often have to deny myself—but then “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
My heart wants to say so much more, for my gratitude knows no bounds. All I can promise Jesus are the words repeated by St. Sister Faustina: “I shall sing of God’s unfathomable mercy for all ages and before all people.” I pray for the grace of zeal and courage to “swim against the current”—for the grace of perseverance and great love.
Edith