Jesus says: O soul immersed in darkness, despair not! All is not yet lost. Come and confide in your God, who is love and mercy.
—But the soul, deaf to God’s appeal, sinks into still greater darkness.
Jesus: My child, hear the voice of your merciful Father.
The soul replies: For me there is no mercy.
—She descends into still greater darkness, a despair that is a foretaste of hell; that renders the soul incapable of drawing near to God. Jesus calls to the soul a third time, but the soul is deaf and blind. She hardens her position; settles deeper into despair. Then God’s mercy is stirred to its depths and, without any cooperation on the part of the soul, God grants her a final grace. If this too is spurned, God will abandon her to the state in which she desires to remain for all eternity. This grace flows from the merciful Heart of Jesus and imparts a special light to the soul. Now she begins to understand God’s efforts; but the conversion depends upon her. The soul knows that this is her final grace and, should she show but a spark of good will, God’s mercy will accomplish the rest.
Jesus: It is My omnipotent mercy that is at work here. Happy the soul that avails herself of this grace. (…) What joy fills My Heart when you return to Me. I see that you are very weak, and so I take you in My arms and bear you home to My Father.
Soul: (as if awakening) Is it possible that there yet is mercy for me?
Jesus: There is, My child. You have a special claim on My mercy. Allow it to work in your poor soul; let the rays of grace enter your soul; they bring with them light, warmth, and life.
Soul: But the very thought of my sins fills me with terror, and this terrible fear moves me to doubt Your goodness.
Jesus: Know, dear soul, that none of your sins wound My Heart as painfully as your present lack of trust; that after all the exertions of My love and mercy, you should still doubt My goodness.
Soul: O Lord, save me, for I perish. Be my Savior. O Lord, my lips fail me; my poor heart is torn asunder; but You, O Lord…
—Jesus does not allow the soul to finish but, taking her in His arms, lifts her out of the depths of her misery. He leads her into the dwelling place of His Heart where in the twinkling of an eye all her sins vanish, consumed by the flames of His love.
Jesus: Here, dear soul, are all the treasures of My Heart. Take from it whatever you need.
Soul: O Lord, I feel the inpouring of Your grace. I feel a new life has entered me; above all, I feel Your love in my heart. That is sufficient for me. O Lord, I will glorify the omnipotence of Your mercy for all eternity. Emboldened by Your goodness, I will tell You all the sorrows of my heart.
Jesus: Tell me all, My child, without reservation, for it is a loving heart, the heart of your best friend that listens to you.
Soul: O Lord, now I see all my ingratitude and the greatness of Your goodness. You were pursuing me with Your graces, while I was thwarting all Your efforts. I see that I deserve the nethermost regions of hell for squandering Your graces.
Jesus: (interrupting) Do not dwell on your misery. You are too weak to speak of it. Gaze, rather, into My Heart overflowing with goodness, and take My feelings to heart. Strive for silence and humility; be merciful to others, as I am to you; and, when you feel your strength failing, come to the fountain of mercy to refresh your soul, so that you may not grow weary on your journey.
Soul: Now I understand Your mercy, which shields me and guides me like a shining cloud to the house of my Father, protecting me from the horrors of hell that I have so well deserved, not once, but a thousand times. O Lord, eternity will scarcely suffice to give You due praise for the unfathomable mercy and compassion You have shown me.
(Diary, 1486)
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