I was raised in a Catholic family. The story of my estrangement from God began when I was finishing middle school. It was a time when martial arts films were fashionable in Poland. As a fifteen-year-old, I found them fascinating. Bruce Lee and other heroes filled my imagination.
Actually, my story begins and ends in the dead of night. Upon graduating from middle school, we had a dance after which my friends and I stayed up late into the night. Not far from our housing settlement there was a little wood. We used to hang out there in the evenings (though with our parents’ permission). Suddenly, a man came out of the trees. He had with him his martial arts paraphernalia. His name was Robert, but he went by the nickname Jade, and he was well known in our housing settlement as a master of martial arts. He began talking to us as if we were grown-ups, which impressed us very much. He invited us to come to him for training.
A few of us boys accepted his invitation. The training was hard. After a while, some of my friends found it too hard and left the group. The sessions were free, which would surprise me now, since trainers normally demand payment for their services. After a while, Robert suggested we should start training in the country where his friend owned a farm. In return for helping out on the farm, we were allowed to set up a training center. Behind the house there was a big yard. There we established a “Shaolin Monastery” with all the training equipment. At first, we went there on weekends, but then we attended longer “camps.” Since most young people in the housing settlement spent their time hanging out in the stairwells, swilling booze, or frequenting seedy discos where bad things took place, my parents were very happy that I was training my character, exercising my body, and abstaining from alcohol and tobacco. Such were the rules of the group, and Robert saw to it that we observed them.
The owner of the farm was Andrei. It turned out he was Robert’s master. Chinese martial arts require everyone to have a master. To become a student, you have to undergo a period of rigorous training and prove your obedience. There seemed nothing unwholesome in what we were doing: we went to the camp, trained, ate healthy food (on this they placed special emphasis), and all this fascinated me greatly. Among other things, my master, Robert, studied “energy.” He and Andrei knew a great deal about the subject. They showed us tricks such as snapping apart a pair of pliers with your bare hands or cracking nuts with your fingers. I actually saw them perform these tricks, which only fascinated me more. I decided I wanted to be a good person and become a Kung Fu master. I trained hard and soon became my mentor’s right hand.
When I first started training Kung Fu, I was still going to church. Our master, Robert, occasionally accompanied us to the youth Mass. But in time my faith in God began to wane. Robert never spoke of God; instead, he used the word “system.” This “system” was supposed to sustain us in everything and fill us with cosmic energy.
Everything seemed just fine: I practiced the martial arts, abstained for alcohol and tobacco, and my parents were delighted. This went on for five years. One day, one of my friends, a student at the technical college whose name was also Tom, informed me that the priest in religion class had been discussing a certain religious sect. He had read out a witness story by a member who left the sect. The story intrigued Tom, since it described situations very much like those that took place at our training camp. It turned out the sect was indeed ours. My whole world collapsed around me. I had had an occupation, a master, a goal in life, and now, suddenly, it transpired that I was a member of a sect. My mind could not accept it.
We confronted the boy who had given the testimony. We learned that our group really did belong to a religious sect. Andrei, Robert’s master, also had a master in Warsaw. His name was Roman and he had another name—Kundalini (after a kind of energy), which was also the name of the sect. The sect had its own companies and even tried to establish public schools and engage in political action. Though all this was a great shock to me, I still saw nothing wrong in it. Eventually, Tom left the group. I remained, since Robert convinced me we were doing nothing wrong.
After a while, I met the great Master himself. Kundalini was around sixty-years-old and remarkably fit. I was told he had “cosmic energy” with healing powers. All this meant nothing to me, but one of my friends actually saw Kundalini healing a woman of cancer. Apparently, in his youth, he too had had an incurable illness. But, having taken up yoga, he reached a level of “enlightenment” that enabled him to “will” himself back to health.
To my misfortune, I took up employment in one of the sect’s enterprises. I went on frequent business trips with my master. For twenty-four hours a day I was never out his sight. Nevertheless, my conviction as to the rightness of what we were doing, began to fade. I wanted out, but was unable to. I decided to leave. They fought hard to make me stay.
I have since read many articles about the sect and learned about its dangers. Apparently, it even sought to destroy the Pope. But even when I eventually left the group, I refused to believe I had been a member of a sect. In any case, my association with these people came to an end.
My subsequent life took another unpromising turn. I got involved with a married woman. Now I am ashamed to admit it, but I was still young then, and I fell in love with a woman I should have avoided. If, as a member of a sect, I had drifted unconsciously into evil, now, in my whole-hearted desire to be a good person, I did things I knew full well were wrong. This went on for four years. The situation brought me to a state of near-depression. I felt that nothing had come of my life, either from my career in the martial arts or from my relations with girls. I was desperately unhappy. For the first time in years I turned to God. I began asking Him why I was unhappy. What was it about me that wasn’t right? In hindsight, I know God answered my question. Soon afterwards I broke off with the woman and met Margaret my present wife. My life began to turn around.
Margaret was very skeptical about my interest in Buddhism, “energy,” and the like. I had a great number of books on the subject—expensive ones, which I had brought from abroad. From these books I learned such things as leaving your body (I actually achieved this three times). Margaret thought this was dangerous, but I saw ho harm in it. It seemed to me that if I chose to fly off somewhere into the beyond, I could get to know another world and learn what happened to us in the afterlife. In fact, there was little place for God in my life. It wasn’t until Margaret and I got married that I had a real encounter with Him—the first since leaving middle school. I made my confession and for while enjoyed a measure of happiness.
Outwardly, our life seemed in order. We had a child, an apartment, a car—everything you could dream of. But we were still far from God. One day a friend invited us to attend a spiritual retreat. My wife agreed to go, but I was lukewarm to the idea. In the end, I went anyway—to keep her company.
Before going to the retreat, I had been reading a great deal about Buddhism. I read nearly all of the Dalai Lama’s books and began to think there must be something in this talk of reincarnation, the way of Buddhism, and so on. I came very close to believing it. Anyway, we went to the monastery for the retreat. That first night, on falling asleep, I felt some force pulling at me, as if it were trying to tear me from my body. I had always prided myself on being a warrior and used to boast of being tough and courageous, but that night, for the first time in my life, I felt as frightened as a little child. Not knowing what this force was, I began to struggle with it. In the end, I managed to tear myself free and sit up on the bed. Suddenly, I became aware that I was sitting up, but that my body was still lying on the bed. I was terrified! I sank back into my body, and then really awoke. It was about one o’clock at night.
Each time I closed my eyes, that same force began to tear at me; and then I saw a wolf. It leapt out from under the bed and began devouring my entrails. I, the great warrior, was scared witless. Then I woke again and began crying out to Jesus, using the prayer that had been recommended to us during the retreat: “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.” For my part, I added, “and save me!” This was the first time I ever begged Christ to come to my rescue. Then everything vanished, as if an invisible force were protecting me. I have no doubt Jesus saved my life at that moment.
That night marked the start of my conversion. It was not just a recollection of some articles of the faith I had learned as a child. It was a real sense of restoration. Jesus had restored me to Himself, touched me, and freed me from all that had tormented me for so many years, even though I was unaware of it to the very end. The following night I slept soundly. Those two days at the monastery changed me completely.
If two years ago I had heard what I am testifying now, I would never have believed it possible. But something of this sort really did touch me, and I am convinced Jesus saved my life. I now believe Jesus Christ is God and that twenty centuries ago He died for us on the cross. All that “broad-mindedness” of mine, all that openness to other religions and “cosmic energies,” all that stuff about “leaving the body” and the other things I practiced—all these are now things of the past. God has transformed me completely. Though I am far from ideal and still fall into sin, I am leading a totally different life with God. I still struggle with my weaknesses. I realize I am nowhere as strong as I imagined; indeed, without Jesus, I can do nothing.
I believe that God is able to bring good out of evil and that the highest good has been revealed to us in Jesus Christ. I want to bear witness to Jesus Christ—that is He is the Son of God and that He died on the cross for us. For this we should all be grateful. I know now God will never abandon me, if only I do not turn away from Him. That is my only certainty in life.
Readers, take warning! Do not experiment with any “energies.” Forget about things like leaving the body, etc. These are extremely dangerous things that lead to demonic enslavement. The very night after my confessing this sin, I felt myself floating up, and I heard a voice saying, “Go on! Take a little spin. See how good it is.” The temptation to return to those practices is still strong; but I know now that this would be a betrayal of Jesus. I am also convinced that it was my interest in oriental martial arts that predisposed me to eastern religions and all those things that draw us away from God.
It is really worthwhile to return to God, for He is the most important Person in our life. Here we live for a brief while, but with God we will live forever.
Tomek