We gave no thought to having a child. We felt we needed time to get on our feet, to find better paying jobs, and pay off our debts
Our little son just had his first birthday. He was born on a Sunday at 12:35 p.m. He weighed ten pounds seven and a half ounces. The birth took over twelve hours. My wife was very brave; even so, she needed several days to recover her strength. Unfortunately, after emerging from his snug abdominal sanctum, the baby spent only a moment with his mother. He was all purple and swollen and had to lie in the incubator for two hours. I kept him company there, popping in on my wife now and then, to see how she was doing. After he regained his normal color, we were allowed to be together again.
I remember his big hands and feet. Right after his birth, he grabbed my thumb with his left hand and held on to it tightly while the doctor examined him. Then, before they put him in the incubator (he barely fit inside), during the washing, measuring, and weighing, I cried like a baby. It was beautiful. The miracle of birth! I will never forget it.
We were married in the summer of 2007. I was in my last semester of college. My wife had already got her master’s degree. In the fall of 2007, I got my first job. My wife was still looking for one. I was not earning much then. We rented our own apartment. Quite frankly, it was not easy for us. We had run up a debt. We gave no thought to having a child. We wanted time to get on our feet, to find a better paying job for each of us, and pay off our debts. Before our wedding we went for catechism lessons, then joined the Neocatechumenate. Our confessor and spiritual director had suggested this. One thing we knew: we needed other people who thought and lived like us. In today’s world it is hard to live without people, with people with whom we do not share a common ground—namely, God.
After two years of being in the community, and a few months after getting married, i.e. some time in December of 2007, we embarked on our first serious stage in the Neocatechumenal Way. These retreats (as you might call them) were conducted by our catechists. They proclaimed the word of God to us. They explained and encouraged. One of the topics discussed was the story of Abraham. Abraham left his country and set out on a journey, which God, whom he obeyed, pointed out to him. As we read in the Book of Genesis: “Now the LORD said to Abram, ‘Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and him who curses you I will curse; and by you all the families of the earth shall bless themselves.’ So Abram went, as the LORD had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he departed from Haran. And Abram took Sarai his wife, and Lot his brother’s son, and all their possessions which they had gathered, and the persons that they had gotten in Haran; and they set forth to go to the land of Canaan” (Gen 12: 1-5).
While listening to these words, I heard a voice. You might say it was a summons: “Go from your country, which are your plans and aspirations. Entrust it all to me, as did Abraham, and set out on a journey, which I shall indicate to you. Open yourselves up to life. You want a better paying job? But what if they let you go? You are unable to determine your own fate. And what if you have to wait long for a better financial situation? What if it does not come? Will you not have children? Trust me. Open yourselves up to life.”
I found it hard to believe this was the voice of God and that these were not just my own thoughts. That evening, while at prayer, I asked for another word of confirmation. Here are the verses I read: “At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, ‘Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?’ And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them, and said, ‘Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me’” (Matt 18: 1-5). When I read these last words, tears welled up in my eyes. Yes, God was summoning us. Here was a clear confirmation. I spoke to my wife. God had prepared her too. On returning home and discussing the matter, we came fairly quickly to a decision. We opened our hearts to God’s will, and the desire to have a child filled our hearts, this despite our financial situation, our plans, and aspirations.
In 2009, we became instructors of Natural Family Planning (NFP). The method proved to be as helpful now that we had decided to have children as it had been before when we were delaying conception. Our first attempt was unsuccessful. We began too late in the cycle. There was a spike in temperature. But God’s hand was in this too. A few days later, we discovered that my wife had a growth on her breast. We went to the doctor. The tests took some time. Waiting for the diagnosis was one of the most difficult times of our life. Was it cancer? But the wait proved to be a blessing as well. It enabled us to see matters in a new, more serious light—one that is too often ignored.
Fortunately, it turned out to be a benign cyst. A simple surgical procedure was all that was needed. We looked forward to a return to health and a new life. After my wife had fully recovered and the wound was healed, we began, with the consent of the gynecologist, to try for a baby. Our charting of the fertility cycle was spot on, and we conceived our little son. God had blessed us; and then He continued to confirm His presence.
A few weeks later, I changed jobs in the hope of securing better pay. Throughout the summer I worked at a construction site. It was hard work. But it was not this that made me quit the job after more than two months. The company’s treatment of its workers, its legally and morally questionable activities gave me no choice but to leave. From September on, I was unemployed. I remained so for over two months. It was a time of faith, trust, financial difficulty, and waiting—waiting for our child and a new job. But God was always with us.
All this time our baby was developing beautifully. He was strong and robust right from the start. We began to think about the things a baby would need. But lack of money continued to plague us. Our community came to our aid. This was an incredible action on God’s part. We received almost everything we needed: crib, baby carriage, and clothes. We were short of nothing. To this day we say our child has more clothes than his mom and dad. God acted and did not leave us wanting. He took care of us and our newly conceived child. For over a year now I have been working at a temporary job, which God found for us. How long will it last? I have no idea. It is God who decides. Though I am the family’s only breadwinner, my earnings are enough for us to live on. Needless to say, things get tight at the end of the month, but God comes to our aid. He has paid off our debts. We are out of the woods. He sees to everything—He, not I.
I see God acting in the Church and in our family. Not that we are especially good people. We are weak and sinful. It is all His work. He is the one writing the story. I thank Him for enabling us to achieve the things that we have. He has enabled us to forget our plans and ourselves, so that our son might be born. He has been with us every day, in our joys and tears, in our labors and rest. God does exist. He acts and guides us. He is good.
Paweł
P.S. If we had known that while my wife was pregnant I would have to change jobs twice, and with a two-month interval of unemployment, would we have decided to have a child? Would this have been humanly possible? I do not think so. God knows better. The word of God says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, says the LORD” (Is 55: 8). And when I hear “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us” (Jn 1:14), I turn my thoughts and gaze to my wife and our little son. I thank God for them.
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